FMS-Blog : The Wildly Whimsical, Mostly Musical WebLog
Thursday, November 30, 2006
A'yi
This evening marks a difficult anniversary for my family: it was 11 years ago tonight that my big brother, Anthony, was killed in a car crash on King Street in Aberdeen.
The official recorded date of his death is 1st December 1995, but it was on a night out with the Aberdeen University Exploration Society on Thurs 30th November of that year that my brother (who we used to call A'yi) drank with friends then accepted a lift home from one of the lads, to his and our great cost. The driver, you see, was well over the drink driving limit by the early hours of the morning and had a tendency to show off in his big, black Audi Quattro. But, on that bitterly cold winter's night in Northern Scotland he lost control of the car, just yards away from where A'yi would have gotten out at his digs, crashing into a sold granite wall in excess of 93mph, killing not only Anthony but also himself and his girlfriend. The one thing that consoles me is that Anthony's passing would have been very quick.
If this isn't the kind of event that should inspire others to avoid drink driving at all costs then I don't know what would. Anyone who has seen the physical results of a high speed crash couldn't fail but to think twice when getting in any car at any time - Anthony died of huge head injuries and to see him in that state in the funeral home was very difficult, to say the least. I couldn't try to describe that experience in any written language without massively understating the horror that we all went through over Christmas 1995. And all for the sake of a few of pints of beer.
Anthony, relaxing in his room in University Halls
But, what I think is most important when you find yourself on the other side of these kinds of events is to remember how your loved ones lived while they were here, and try only to take lessons away from the manner of their passing; dwelling on the details of the death itself can be incredibly destructive and is certainly rarely helpful.
So, I want to say a few things about my wonderful brother, A'yi, on this painful anniversary. I want to say that I don't have to wait for a day like today to be thinking of him - so many things in this life remind me of him each day and it saddens me that he is no longer here to share them with me. Anthony was a profoundly intelligent individual who was passionate about the conservation of Britain's natural environment, and particularly the wildlife in his adoped home of Scotland. He surrounded himself with the plants and animals as regularly as he could, often combining his love for nature with his interest in outdoor sports, from mountaineering to potholing.
I often see Anthony in myself, not least in the physical appearance of my gradually aging face. At the time of his death at the tender age of 23, he had not yet finished his journey of spiritual discovery and, although interested in the principles of Christianity, he really epitomised the word 'agnostic' - his mind was open to any ideas about the nature of our conscious existence. In fact, sometimes I think he must have known that he was not long for this world because he seemed to try to fit so much living into the little time he had, expressing his deep-seated respect for life through poetry, art and music. And, despite never having received any formal training in the subjects, Anthony had a truly artistic and musical streak, and he loved every moment that he spent participating in those pursuits, even if that only meant going to the 'Lampie' (The Blue Lamp) or The Lemon Tree to watch folk performers do their thing.
As much as I'm proud of Anthony for all these aspects of his life, the one thing that makes me most proud is when I think about his sense of morality - a truly humanist condition. I have a clear memory of him telling me that he could not stand prejudice in any form, and his actions were true to this belief. He had respect for all living things, whatever their size, shape or colour. I want so much to follow this example, although I've got to admit to failing regularly and often on this score. Thinking of A'yi keeps me trying, though. He always did bring out the best in me.
The official recorded date of his death is 1st December 1995, but it was on a night out with the Aberdeen University Exploration Society on Thurs 30th November of that year that my brother (who we used to call A'yi) drank with friends then accepted a lift home from one of the lads, to his and our great cost. The driver, you see, was well over the drink driving limit by the early hours of the morning and had a tendency to show off in his big, black Audi Quattro. But, on that bitterly cold winter's night in Northern Scotland he lost control of the car, just yards away from where A'yi would have gotten out at his digs, crashing into a sold granite wall in excess of 93mph, killing not only Anthony but also himself and his girlfriend. The one thing that consoles me is that Anthony's passing would have been very quick.
If this isn't the kind of event that should inspire others to avoid drink driving at all costs then I don't know what would. Anyone who has seen the physical results of a high speed crash couldn't fail but to think twice when getting in any car at any time - Anthony died of huge head injuries and to see him in that state in the funeral home was very difficult, to say the least. I couldn't try to describe that experience in any written language without massively understating the horror that we all went through over Christmas 1995. And all for the sake of a few of pints of beer.
Anthony, relaxing in his room in University HallsBut, what I think is most important when you find yourself on the other side of these kinds of events is to remember how your loved ones lived while they were here, and try only to take lessons away from the manner of their passing; dwelling on the details of the death itself can be incredibly destructive and is certainly rarely helpful.
So, I want to say a few things about my wonderful brother, A'yi, on this painful anniversary. I want to say that I don't have to wait for a day like today to be thinking of him - so many things in this life remind me of him each day and it saddens me that he is no longer here to share them with me. Anthony was a profoundly intelligent individual who was passionate about the conservation of Britain's natural environment, and particularly the wildlife in his adoped home of Scotland. He surrounded himself with the plants and animals as regularly as he could, often combining his love for nature with his interest in outdoor sports, from mountaineering to potholing.
I often see Anthony in myself, not least in the physical appearance of my gradually aging face. At the time of his death at the tender age of 23, he had not yet finished his journey of spiritual discovery and, although interested in the principles of Christianity, he really epitomised the word 'agnostic' - his mind was open to any ideas about the nature of our conscious existence. In fact, sometimes I think he must have known that he was not long for this world because he seemed to try to fit so much living into the little time he had, expressing his deep-seated respect for life through poetry, art and music. And, despite never having received any formal training in the subjects, Anthony had a truly artistic and musical streak, and he loved every moment that he spent participating in those pursuits, even if that only meant going to the 'Lampie' (The Blue Lamp) or The Lemon Tree to watch folk performers do their thing.
As much as I'm proud of Anthony for all these aspects of his life, the one thing that makes me most proud is when I think about his sense of morality - a truly humanist condition. I have a clear memory of him telling me that he could not stand prejudice in any form, and his actions were true to this belief. He had respect for all living things, whatever their size, shape or colour. I want so much to follow this example, although I've got to admit to failing regularly and often on this score. Thinking of A'yi keeps me trying, though. He always did bring out the best in me.
